I am a Cougar!


I am beginning a series on living single, dating, cyber dating sites & sharing the passion I have for empowering women to be strong during the season of singleness.  Not isolated per sey to women only, but I can only write from my perspective!

Me, Monica & Glenda

During a meeting with a local Dallas & national group, Mocha Sisters, my best friend, biz partner and partner in crime, Glenda Pogue, A.K.A. Thelma, had the privilege of meeting an amazing woman from Austin, TX. Dr. Monica Anderson is a professional in the area of dentistry, but is also an accomplished author & motivational speaker.  Both Glenda & I have the dream to support, encourage & help women develop strong mental attitudes, established career paths, & positive relational experiences.  The talk we heard was a luncheon meeting that resonates within my heart.

Being single for 16 years now has allowed me to weather many storms of relational seasons.  I actually didn’t date for the first 10 years of being single.  When people ask me, “Why?” I merely explain that I have no clue!  Seriously, I believe, it was because of the people I associated with. Don’t get me wrong, they were good people!  Theirs were a lot of marriages hanging in the balance, unfulfilled, or lacking in what I imagined I wanted for a third round.  I simply decided I was better alone. I have, since that time, read a tremendous assortment of books on dating, marriage, relationships, attitude, self -development, &  leadership skills. I realize those were the missing link, not only in myself, but in most of the marriages I saw.

The sanctity of marriage is something I adore & embrace. When I divorced, I “told” God “HE” had 2 years to correct what needed to be corrected, change what needed to be changed, but I HAD to be married after 2 yrs.  Yea, WOW!  I think that is why there is a scripture that says, “He who sits in heavens laughs!” My BFF in La. used to say, “You will find love when you are not looking for it!” This used to literally infuriate me beyond measure.  Let me ask you a question.  When you love the marital relationship as much as I did, loathe being single as much as I did, become depressed seeing PDA, holiday embraces, etc., WHEN ARE YOU NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE? On Valentine’s Day every year I would confess out loud to everyone I worked with that I was going to receive a dozen red roses from the love of my life.  One year, after hearing this many years, I believe my co-workers pitched in & sent me flowers.  Ironically, one of the guys that everyone thought should date me was very jealous.  I knew it was a joint venture b/c they spelled my name wrong!  Seriously….the “love of my life” would hopefully know how to spell it!  Right?

I can honestly say that moment of not looking finally happened. Jokingly, I would comment, “I don’t need a husband, just give me a dog.  A tiny, non-shedding, cuddle-loving, dog.  I can go as I please, never answer to a man, stay up as late as I want, cook when & what I want & just snuggle with a dog on the couch.  I can build my business & never share a single dime of profits with anyone, but the charities of my choice.”  I was set! This statement, over time,  began my observation concerning my state of singleness.

I was heading to church one Sunday morning this past year & had the most amazing conversation with God.  I realized I was content.  Content in being single.  Content in perhaps finding a mate at some point. Content.  At that moment, I made a “pact” with God.  The same God I demanded a 2 yr. correction limit on!  I said, (through joy, tears, & almost a  “deliverance” type exhilaration), that if the plan, purpose & destiny He has for me could be fulfilled as a single woman, I will happily remain single until I meet Him face to face.  If that plan, purpose & destiny could only be fulfilled partnered with a husband, I trust He would lead, guide & direct me to him.  I only want to bring Glory, not grief to His name.  I realized that probably took 14 yrs. too long to discover, but…finally…I am content!

Me, Joy & Glenda

I purposely surround myself with beautiful, strong, determined, women I admire immensely. At this point, I realize I completely agree with what Monica, Dr. mOe, describes as a “Cougar.”  I laugh at the worlds definition, but see it everywhere. It definitely fuels my passion!

If you are a single woman, especially in challenged economic times, you must know you can not only survive living single, but thrive.  Lately, my heart is beating louder & louder to fill stadiums nationally & internationally to portray this message of hope to single adults.

Ladies, you are fearfully & wonderfully made in the image of a Holy God.  Never compromise your convictions for the trade of companionship.  Tiny, non-shedding, cuddle-loving, lap dogs never hit, verbally abuse, or devalue who you are! You may, however, have to pick up after them!!




4 responses »

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention I am a Cougar! « Geneva -- Topsy.com

  2. Geneva,
    Being married and following God’s divine plan for marriage, you have to submitt to a man and follow him wherever he chooses to go. There cannot be two heads in the relationship. If the man is not on the same par with you spiritually, it can cause a lot of conflict. But it is for the wife to submitt. Scripture says it is better to remain unmarried if you can keep yourself sexually pure, because then you can link up directly with God and go where and when he says to go without having to answer to a man for what you do. If I had known and understood this, I would never have chosen marriage, because being free to serve God in the way I feel led is very important to me. But marriage has been good to me. God saw to it that I chose a very extrordonarily wonderful man. And it is with his patience, love, and total acceptance that I have actually grown closer to God. But when women get married, they give up all their power. They should be proud to be single and recognize the power that they have and use it for good. So preach on Sista’ !

    • Thank you Brenda for your comment.
      I am so happy you have found love & are enjoying marriage.
      There are 2 things I would add:
      *Submission is as unto God. Many times women submit to the point of being a door mat & not a help meet. God never intended marriage to be that. When a man loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he releases her to be the woman God designed her to be. The husband should actually empower his wife to fulfill the calling of God on her life. There are, sad to say, some men who take such “submission” for granted.
      *Giving up your “power” when you become married is not the picture perfect marriage I desire. The union of becoming one flesh in a marital relationship is not surrendering the gifts, callings, plans, purposes & desires God created within you, but rather joining them & strengthening each other. Let me ask you a question. Let’s say the woman has organizational strengths & the husband is a slob or maybe just not so organized. This can be in business, personal, or any area of their life. Should the woman adapt to his methods just because she married him? Or….the woman is shy, introverted, & insecure, but the husband values her beyond measure. Should he just sit back & allow her to never grow in those areas? Again…God has given each of us precious identities. There are certain personality types to consider that while in a “one flesh” relationship, iron sharpens iron & reveals the countenance of each other. A husband & wife should never allow their mate to become dull so as to allow themselves to shine. God does not intend on us simply drying on vine because we marry. If that were the case…..what about the Proverbs 31 Woman? She was awesome & well respected by her husband. She obviously had power & strengths to gain such respect from her husband.

      Let me clarify. I do believe the husband is the spiritual head of the home. All the major decisions should be made in agreement, but in the end, he does have the final say. He will answer to God for the decisions he has made toward the family as a unit. I covet that strength & time!

      There are, however, some cultures that practice male domination. When in Rome…..
      I personally desire a mate that will be the spiritual head of the home & love me as Christ loves the church. I want a step further…..I want him to love God more than he loves me & continue to find his identity in Christ. In doing so, I will rest assured our marital relationship will be pleasing to God. This type of relationship will be the model for others that are desperately watching. Not picture perfect, as there is no marriage that is, just pleasing.

      Again, I am blessed in knowing God has you on a tremendous journey.

  3. Geneva,
    I guess what I was trying to say is that when married, women give up their power of decision making. If the husband doesn’t agree with her then she must agree with his decision. Whether he is right or wrong.
    I want to learn to do this, because in the biblical marriage tapes I have been listening to the speaker (who is a man) says, ” A man will marry a woman and live in the same house with her, but he will not love and cherish her unless she is submissive to him.
    I’m not talking about abusive relationships. My husband now is not abusive to me. He is absolutely wonderful. But we have different viewpoints on a lot of things that affect how descisions are made in our relationship and I must follow his lead. I’m not real good at doing that, but if I want his total committment, love and respect I must learn. Read 1st Peter 3: 1-6.
    God Bless, Brenda

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