I am beginning a series on living single, dating, cyber dating sites & sharing the passion I have for empowering women to be strong during the season of singleness. Not isolated per sey to women only, but I can only write from my perspective!
During a meeting with a local Dallas & national group, Mocha Sisters, my best friend, biz partner and partner in crime, Glenda Pogue, A.K.A. Thelma, had the privilege of meeting an amazing woman from Austin, TX. Dr. Monica Anderson is a professional in the area of dentistry, but is also an accomplished author & motivational speaker. Both Glenda & I have the dream to support, encourage & help women develop strong mental attitudes, established career paths, & positive relational experiences. The talk we heard was a luncheon meeting that resonates within my heart.
Being single for 16 years now has allowed me to weather many storms of relational seasons. I actually didn’t date for the first 10 years of being single. When people ask me, “Why?” I merely explain that I have no clue! Seriously, I believe, it was because of the people I associated with. Don’t get me wrong, they were good people! Theirs were a lot of marriages hanging in the balance, unfulfilled, or lacking in what I imagined I wanted for a third round. I simply decided I was better alone. I have, since that time, read a tremendous assortment of books on dating, marriage, relationships, attitude, self -development, & leadership skills. I realize those were the missing link, not only in myself, but in most of the marriages I saw.
The sanctity of marriage is something I adore & embrace. When I divorced, I “told” God “HE” had 2 years to correct what needed to be corrected, change what needed to be changed, but I HAD to be married after 2 yrs. Yea, WOW! I think that is why there is a scripture that says, “He who sits in heavens laughs!” My BFF in La. used to say, “You will find love when you are not looking for it!” This used to literally infuriate me beyond measure. Let me ask you a question. When you love the marital relationship as much as I did, loathe being single as much as I did, become depressed seeing PDA, holiday embraces, etc., WHEN ARE YOU NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE? On Valentine’s Day every year I would confess out loud to everyone I worked with that I was going to receive a dozen red roses from the love of my life. One year, after hearing this many years, I believe my co-workers pitched in & sent me flowers. Ironically, one of the guys that everyone thought should date me was very jealous. I knew it was a joint venture b/c they spelled my name wrong! Seriously….the “love of my life” would hopefully know how to spell it! Right?
I can honestly say that moment of not looking finally happened. Jokingly, I would comment, “I don’t need a husband, just give me a dog. A tiny, non-shedding, cuddle-loving, dog. I can go as I please, never answer to a man, stay up as late as I want, cook when & what I want & just snuggle with a dog on the couch. I can build my business & never share a single dime of profits with anyone, but the charities of my choice.” I was set! This statement, over time, began my observation concerning my state of singleness.
I was heading to church one Sunday morning this past year & had the most amazing conversation with God. I realized I was content. Content in being single. Content in perhaps finding a mate at some point. Content. At that moment, I made a “pact” with God. The same God I demanded a 2 yr. correction limit on! I said, (through joy, tears, & almost a “deliverance” type exhilaration), that if the plan, purpose & destiny He has for me could be fulfilled as a single woman, I will happily remain single until I meet Him face to face. If that plan, purpose & destiny could only be fulfilled partnered with a husband, I trust He would lead, guide & direct me to him. I only want to bring Glory, not grief to His name. I realized that probably took 14 yrs. too long to discover, but…finally…I am content!
I purposely surround myself with beautiful, strong, determined, women I admire immensely. At this point, I realize I completely agree with what Monica, Dr. mOe, describes as a “Cougar.” I laugh at the worlds definition, but see it everywhere. It definitely fuels my passion!
If you are a single woman, especially in challenged economic times, you must know you can not only survive living single, but thrive. Lately, my heart is beating louder & louder to fill stadiums nationally & internationally to portray this message of hope to single adults.
Ladies, you are fearfully & wonderfully made in the image of a Holy God. Never compromise your convictions for the trade of companionship. Tiny, non-shedding, cuddle-loving, lap dogs never hit, verbally abuse, or devalue who you are! You may, however, have to pick up after them!!