Category Archives: Dating

Preparation + Opportunity=Successful Singles


        Out of curiosity I typed the word, “Singles” in my browser & came back with about 244,000,000 results relating to the word.  Guess what the majority of the sites were?  Dating!  There is a saying, ” Success = Preparation + Opportunity.”  This post will not address dating, but being a successful single business owner.  I want to discuss that in-between time!  I have found this is the greatest season to seize the opportunity  to prepare in every area of life.

         If you are single building a home based biz by yourself, I commend you more than you could ever imagine.  While I am in business for myself, I have never, ever felt like I’m in business by myself.  I have been blessed from the beginning to be surrounded by the most incredible, dedicated & devoted mentors, life coaches & best friends one could ever dream of.  I have an equation;  1 x 0 = 16  + 1000’s.  This is my support system as a single adult in a professional networking business.

 “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecc.4:12


The worst excuse anyone could  possibly  allow themselves to believe is that this profession is only successful for married couples.  I approach it as being enrolled in the most prestigious university ever established!  My degree upon graduation? A changed life – MINE!  Let’s explore some areas of life that you, like myself,  have the potential of expanding.  How does this profession prepare you for life in general or even potentially being married?  Being immersed in a world-class, ongoing educational training system has allowed me the opportunity to expand my thinking in the following areas:

  1. Relationships / Marriage:  Learn about how marriage should be.  This is such a blessing to observe couples who make their marriage a priority.  During my season of being a singles director, I studied & taught on relationships. Had I actually practiced this during marriage……Uh… never-mind!    Being deluged in a culture passionate about changing the rate of divorce in our nation, has forced me to take this study to an entirely different level.  Knowing communication is a huge factor in marriage, I am continually learning how to develop excellent communicative skills.  The four personality types + five love /apology languages = how you respond to  accepting, approving & appreciating people for who they are & who they can become.  I have always loved to talk & loved people.  This is totally different! Did you know that listening is an integral facet of communication?  Yea, it really is!  
  2. Wealth thinking:  Knowing  that divorce can occur because of financial stress caused from our inabilities to live below our means, not practicing delayed gratification & having  the absence of long term vision, I am getting a well-rounded education on finances.  See it’s not merely teaching someone how to make money, but how to keep it & make it work for you that creates wealth.  How reassuring will it be to a potential mate knowing I already know how to manage my finances, set & reach goals for rewards & invest wisely.  Have you noticed the prices of silver & gold lately?  Are you aware of what happened historically when this occurred? Did I ever care before?  No!  Knowing the pieces of the puzzle conventional education never taught me allows me to feel empowered.  
  3. Politically:  The thought of what is happening in our nation politically is not just something I can join a group & picket against.  When you are financially stable, independently wealthy, surrounded by a million-strong, like-minded, forward thinking culture of people,  you will naturally make a difference.  This is often done without voicing your opinion, but letting your light shine before man in living by example.  I love the saying, “What you do speaks so loudly, what you say I can’t hear.”  Leadership is influence.  I am no longer straddling the fence on what I believe politically.  I am interested in what is transpiring on every level & am willing to do my part which, by the way, is more than casting a vote during election time.  Don’t get me wrong, I sincerely thank everyone for doing that, but freedom ensures a voice not limited to electoral seasons.  Do you think a potential mate would feel honored to have a someone who is not oblivious to this scene?

        There are so many other areas of potential growth that can take place during your season of singleness.  This is the greatest time &  opportunity to practice edification & promotion because you are constantly doing so with your mentors.  Remember the principle of sowing & reaping? Partnering with a mentor offers a tremendous accountability & leverage system.  Everything you partake of during this time, do so with all your heart, for you will reap an abundant harvest!  “If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants.”- Isaac Newton

        I believe building a business as a single adult will be a catalyst for married couples.  It will help them be even more determined when they see your success!  You will instill hope to an entire generation of single adults, not limited to age or economic status related groups.  This season of your life exemplifies community–common unity–because you are continually forced to practice interdependence. I know this is totally opposite of what corporate America teaches, but the results will be totally opposite as well!  

        I have 3 “IT” factors that I stand by daily while building as a single woman. It was originally reserved for stage, but since all the world is my stage…I will share! 

  1. Subm”IT” to a mentor. Not just any mentor!  Find one that has the fruit on the tree, operates with the principles of character & integrity holding the bar high for you.  Finding a mentor who will not only love you where you are, but also love you into YOUR future is priceless.  Etch goals in stone, write plans in sand & PDCA with them on a regular basis.  
  2. Perm”IT” that mentor to speak into your life.  If your mentor is anything like mine, you will have more positive spoken over you than any point in time.  Who couldn’t use this? The more you understand the position your mentor assumes in your life, your family, your dream, while it may seem they are strong with their advice, you will embrace it.   Remember….the uniform of a leader is thick skin & a soft heart.  Permitting your mentor to offer strategies that pattern interrupt the things that are holding you back is vital to your success.  
  3. Comm”IT” to your dreams.    “Nothing happens unless first a dream” – C. Sandburg –  If you don’t have a cause bigger than your applause, you will never build a biz.  If your purpose isn’t bigger than your  paycheck, you will never build a biz. Setting a goal to make enough money to pay your house or car note is not big enough.  That can be accomplished by working OT or acquiring a second job.  Your dream has to be so big, the only way it can be accomplished is to work with others to reach it.  Search your heart & find what makes you almost cry when you think about it.  This is a great start in locating your passion. Guess what happens?  Once you learn the dreams of others & become so determined in helping them accomplish theirs, you wake up only to  realize….your dreams have been fulfilled too!!  I’ll never forget when that switch was made in my heart.   It changed my life.  Big dreams are imperative, but it’s extremely important to set dreams incrementally in order to build trust within yourself.  Once you accomplish a dream or goal, reward yourself & raise the bar.  People quit in life & in business all the time &  >90% of the time it is because they’ve never located a dream that was big enough to drive them out of their comfort zone. Complacency will always welcome them home to mediocrity.   A great piece of advice….“Build your dream, not your business.” – Laurie Woodward 
        I believe in you & I believe our nation is waiting for us to rise up & show them what we are made of!  One of my recent fav quotes: Caterpillars to butterflies; sand to pearls; coal to diamonds….It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish that counts!”  I love that each of these examples overcame adversity, enormous pressure, & irritating obstacles in becoming brilliant, beautiful, priceless, sought after works of art!!  You are such a piece of art masterfully created by God Himself to accomplish a purpose & destiny only you can fulfill. 


I am a Cougar!


I am beginning a series on living single, dating, cyber dating sites & sharing the passion I have for empowering women to be strong during the season of singleness.  Not isolated per sey to women only, but I can only write from my perspective!

Me, Monica & Glenda

During a meeting with a local Dallas & national group, Mocha Sisters, my best friend, biz partner and partner in crime, Glenda Pogue, A.K.A. Thelma, had the privilege of meeting an amazing woman from Austin, TX. Dr. Monica Anderson is a professional in the area of dentistry, but is also an accomplished author & motivational speaker.  Both Glenda & I have the dream to support, encourage & help women develop strong mental attitudes, established career paths, & positive relational experiences.  The talk we heard was a luncheon meeting that resonates within my heart.

Being single for 16 years now has allowed me to weather many storms of relational seasons.  I actually didn’t date for the first 10 years of being single.  When people ask me, “Why?” I merely explain that I have no clue!  Seriously, I believe, it was because of the people I associated with. Don’t get me wrong, they were good people!  Theirs were a lot of marriages hanging in the balance, unfulfilled, or lacking in what I imagined I wanted for a third round.  I simply decided I was better alone. I have, since that time, read a tremendous assortment of books on dating, marriage, relationships, attitude, self -development, &  leadership skills. I realize those were the missing link, not only in myself, but in most of the marriages I saw.

The sanctity of marriage is something I adore & embrace. When I divorced, I “told” God “HE” had 2 years to correct what needed to be corrected, change what needed to be changed, but I HAD to be married after 2 yrs.  Yea, WOW!  I think that is why there is a scripture that says, “He who sits in heavens laughs!” My BFF in La. used to say, “You will find love when you are not looking for it!” This used to literally infuriate me beyond measure.  Let me ask you a question.  When you love the marital relationship as much as I did, loathe being single as much as I did, become depressed seeing PDA, holiday embraces, etc., WHEN ARE YOU NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE? On Valentine’s Day every year I would confess out loud to everyone I worked with that I was going to receive a dozen red roses from the love of my life.  One year, after hearing this many years, I believe my co-workers pitched in & sent me flowers.  Ironically, one of the guys that everyone thought should date me was very jealous.  I knew it was a joint venture b/c they spelled my name wrong!  Seriously….the “love of my life” would hopefully know how to spell it!  Right?

I can honestly say that moment of not looking finally happened. Jokingly, I would comment, “I don’t need a husband, just give me a dog.  A tiny, non-shedding, cuddle-loving, dog.  I can go as I please, never answer to a man, stay up as late as I want, cook when & what I want & just snuggle with a dog on the couch.  I can build my business & never share a single dime of profits with anyone, but the charities of my choice.”  I was set! This statement, over time,  began my observation concerning my state of singleness.

I was heading to church one Sunday morning this past year & had the most amazing conversation with God.  I realized I was content.  Content in being single.  Content in perhaps finding a mate at some point. Content.  At that moment, I made a “pact” with God.  The same God I demanded a 2 yr. correction limit on!  I said, (through joy, tears, & almost a  “deliverance” type exhilaration), that if the plan, purpose & destiny He has for me could be fulfilled as a single woman, I will happily remain single until I meet Him face to face.  If that plan, purpose & destiny could only be fulfilled partnered with a husband, I trust He would lead, guide & direct me to him.  I only want to bring Glory, not grief to His name.  I realized that probably took 14 yrs. too long to discover, but…finally…I am content!

Me, Joy & Glenda

I purposely surround myself with beautiful, strong, determined, women I admire immensely. At this point, I realize I completely agree with what Monica, Dr. mOe, describes as a “Cougar.”  I laugh at the worlds definition, but see it everywhere. It definitely fuels my passion!

If you are a single woman, especially in challenged economic times, you must know you can not only survive living single, but thrive.  Lately, my heart is beating louder & louder to fill stadiums nationally & internationally to portray this message of hope to single adults.

Ladies, you are fearfully & wonderfully made in the image of a Holy God.  Never compromise your convictions for the trade of companionship.  Tiny, non-shedding, cuddle-loving, lap dogs never hit, verbally abuse, or devalue who you are! You may, however, have to pick up after them!!



Are you a relational clutter bug?


The saga continues……the moving saga that is!  As I begin collecting boxes to begin my packing regime,  I realize yet another thing I am thankful for.  I am not a clutter bug! This made me think of how widespread this phenomenon can transfer into every area of our lives.

For instance:

Relationships – many people have the tendency to acquire friends who clutter their lives & create a negative influence.  I have a huge percentage of the sanguine personality trait & genuinely love people.  This, however, is not a fault.  I have learned to filter the people I actually include in my inner circle.  Being influenced by someone is more seductive than you imagine, therefore you must be careful of whom you associate with.  While serving in the single adult ministry, I recognized cyclic behavior patterns that are almost embraced.  This is primarily traced back to the root of low self-esteem & lack of self-confidence, but never the less….people become involved with people they can either control or feel worthy to be accepted by.  This is something that quickly causes me to utilize emo intel (emotional intelligence! ) because if not….I become angry.  Angry to think we settle, retreat, or compromise.  We clutter our lives or futures with people who will never help us rise to our fullest potential.  This may be harsh, but even some of our family members will conflict our future.

When I became a network marketing professional I attended my first leadership seminar &  it changed my life.  This may sound cliché, but it is what it is.  While listening to a very successful couple, Mark & Jenn Paul, share their story of dreams, struggles, &  apparent  victories, I heard the sweet, still voice of the Holy Spirit.  To many, this suggestion was not of God. I received ridicule and rebuttal from many of my closest friends, but to me, it was the clear, precise, &  clear-cut direction I needed to hear.  I heard, “You need to lay aside the singles ministry.”  Then, I didn’t realize the impact this one command would now make on my life.  I didn’t merely attend a singles Sunday school class or small group, I was the Singles Director.  My primary focus had been on developing leaders within the singles ministry & creating a community consortium with 9 other area singles ministries in a bi-county perimeter.  Why was this the right decision to make?  Why did it look like a demotion to some & a promotion to me?  Simple.  I learned I would be more effective as a mentor, leader, coach to singles nationwide in business.  My sphere of influence greatly expanded. Relationship requirements & personal growth & development expectations increased.  I had to determine what was more important.  Was it mentoring with successful entrepreneurs who would impart wisdom, skills, knowledge & challenge me to grow far beyond my current level of leadership capabilities or continue planning the monthly social calendar?  I had to un-clutter my relationships. Does that mean I stopped liking those people? Absolutely not! I just withdrew giving permission for certain people to influence my schedule,  decisions, & life.   There is a mantra  by a man I respect in business.  It is a check point & balance each time I read it. “I release those things which  no longer serve me.”- Randy Gage. To some this may sound cold or insensitive because I am referencing relationships.  To me, it is imperative if you wish to develop the potential God has ordained that you to walk in.  Let’s face it…..the Bible even tells us Jesus was not taken seriously in his own home town.  While he served the multitudes, he kept company with 12. He instructs us not to cast the pearls of our wisdom before the swine.  Even further it is said for us to shake the dust off our sandals & move on.  Why then do we insist on holding onto relationships even God himself would not support?  If I read correctly, this wasn’t just one or two people, but entire towns.

Clutter in any area of our lives can be detrimental to our success, but relational clutter can be deadly to dreams–your dreams & the dreams of others.  While being the singles director I enforced frequent self evaluations.  I didn’t know the meaning of P.D.C.A.– plan, do, check & adjust– but I did understand we have to frequently look inside out to see if we are progressing or digressing.  Don’t enter another relationship with “junk in your trunk.”  I challenge you to read this quote & apply it to your sphere of relationships. “Most people stay the same person and attract the very things they want to repel” – Claude Hamilton. I will not be like most people.

The second & last category of clutter I wish to discuss is in your thinking.  You may have thought this was going to be a blog on crammed junk drawers, closets overflowing with memorabilia you need to trash, or clothes from 3 sizes ago you will never wear again.  It is.  The way you think is directly related to all those things.  I recently read the brain can’t entertain more than one dominant thought at a time.  Why then do we insist on those dominant thoughts being negative ones?  Why do we keep those clothes that are either out of style or no longer fit?  Why do you see people you haven’t seen in years & they have never changed their hairstyle? Why do you visit friends & leave feeling like you want to go home & throw away everything?  Do you ever ride with someone else & it leaves you wanting to take your car to be detailed?  We hoard for many reasons.  There are great discussions on this subject & I will not attempt to discuss them.  What I will discuss is simply this.  A trip to the mirror of your choice will answer many of the reasons for the behavior listed above.  You are not happy with yourself.  You do not believe in yourself.  You have listened to the wrong people saying the wrong things about you instead of listening to what your creator says.  I think the Bible says you are the apple of His eye. You are fearfully & wonderfully made.  He records the conversations you have about Him & He collects your tears.  If he has engraved your name on the palm of His hand, why would you ever believe you are not worthy?  This goes way beyond someone having a tattoo of your name on their bicep!  You clutter your mind with way to many, “What if’s?” rather than asking, “Why not?”

I have never understood the state of depression.  I firmly believe it is a choice.  Chemical, schmemical!  I’m not talking about bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, etc., but depression. Many times it is a cry for help, but mainly a selfish excuse to prevent dealing with what requires your attention.  I realize there are lapses of momentary depression related to certain situations we face, however the length of that stage is a choice.  Depression creates clutter & diagnosis your inability to be honest with yourself.  Not dealing with certain things whether  relationally, physically, financially or materially can be traced back to our thinking.  Check your motivation & chances are if you are not running for a cause, serving others, chasing a dream or running from a dread, you are stuck in Sluggsville.  Change your thinking & change your results!

I have a love hate relationship when it comes to moving.  I have a mantra when it comes to whether or not you need something.  “If in doubt, toss it out.”  If you have things boxed that you haven’t used since the last time you moved, chances are, they will just occupy space.  I had to come to terms with my need to own power tools.  I am such a do-it-yourself, tool-belt-diva.  I recently realized that stage of my life is dormant & I do not need to pack every gadget I have collected.  One day I will own the beautiful historically registered Victorian Pink Lady,  the sprawling Tuscan Villa Estate, the cottage at Martha’s Vineyard, the 1br/1ba Craftsman near my babies,  &  the beach front villa on some exotic island, & when I do, I may or may not invest in what I need.  As for now….having maintenance on speed dial serves me.  All I require is my cute,  tiny, purple, floral hammer, my small electric drill/screwdriver, my small Dremel, a small assortment of screws, nails, both white & super glue.  I won’t even own duct tape.  I know that is like the anti-Christ of homeowners, but seriously….I left that behind when I moved from La!  Everything I “need” will fit in one drawer of my cute utility room storage unit.

Simplistic pleasures

Maybe I am becoming a decor minimalist as one of my ER docs touted he was.  At that time, I could never saw myself as this.  Now…I am content.  I challenge you to inventory your life in the areas of clutter. It may be painful at first, but I promise it becomes easier.  Act as though you are moving.  You are…moving on.



I now pronounce you…


The journey of being single the past sixteen years  has been a priceless journey for me to embrace.  When I first divorced, I “told” God He had two years to “fix” whatever was wrong with me because I hated the single life.  Two years was the deadline for me to become perfected as to what He designed me to be as a wife.  Well……maybe I had a lot more junk in my trunk that I envisioned.  I realize I will never be perfect, yet I will continue to strive for my personal best!  I now have a pact with God. Like He isn’t sitting in Heaven laughing at me, but nevertheless….My pact is simply this: If I can fulfill the plan, purpose, & destiny He created me to fulfill as a single adult, I will live my days as a single bringing honor to Him.  If that plan, purpose & destiny can only be fulfilled joined in marriage to a man with a specific destiny, plan & purpose, I believe in His time, that man will be exposed.  I also submit to changing, growing & developing into the person God has designed me to become.  So far….I am content.

It actually took me ten years to “date.”  I wouldn’t even use the term date because it was way to serious for me.  I referred it to simply “going out” with someone.  As I have been involved in a world-class leadership development organization, my entire perspective in many areas of life has changed.  I truly believe that is what had to happen. While I have been single this amount of time, I wouldn’t take a second away from it.

One thing I have been aware of  lately is the fact that I believe the wedding vows we recite are deceiving.  How? As I spend time in the living rooms across America, I have noticed that the vows taken during the matrimony service somehow excludes a persons right to fulfilling their dreams as well as the respect of their mate’s dreams as the marriage progresses.  In the bliss of developing a relationship where did the fact that the bride or groom has explicit dreams, goals, ideas, etc. disappear?  Let’s take for instance the bride desires to be a writer.  She has manuscripts tucked away and elusive dreams of seeing her books in print.  Perhaps it is children’s books or novels, that since early childhood, she has envisioned the pictures on the pages and book signing events. Or the groom wants to invent a gadget he believes will revolutionize the way we grill. You fill in the blanks!

During the wedding ceremony as they are gathered in the midst of friends, family, loved ones (as if those are separate from friends & fam right?), the vows begin.  The norm is said, but is this what they are truly saying? “Dick, do you take Jane to love, honor, respect, cherish, esteem highly above yourself,  as long as you both shall live? In sickness & in health, for richer or poorer, til death do you part? Do you vow to work 40-60 hrs. a week or more, jump when the boss says to, volunteer for overtime, require that Jane does the same? Do you vow that when you begin to have kids you only allow her to take off for six weeks or less, then place your children, one by one, in a daycare with people who will experience their “firsts” before you do? Do you vow to buy the big house you can’t afford, the cars you can’t afford, the toys you can’t afford, and get in debt just as your friends, family and loved ones do? Do you Dick vow to suppress Jane’s dreams of becoming a writer because there won’t be enough time and certainly not enough money in the budget to allow her to pursue her creative abilities? Do you Dick vow to become unbearable  around year three because the insurmountable stress begins to weigh heavy on your mind and oozes into your relationship? Do you vow to compare your wife to the other guy’s wives because they can’t blame themselves so they naturally blame their wives?  Dick do you vow to become involved in extracurricular sports teams on the weekend because you would rather not be the father you need to be to your children? Dick do you vow to Jane that instead of discussing with her problems as they arise, you will discuss with the bartender of the local pub or better yet….your stylist? And when the laundry list of  “Do you’s” end, Dick say’s, “I do.   Then the person performing the ceremony turns to Jane and proceeds to ask her the same questions in female gender related contexts.  Of course these probably include the incessant shopping trips based on entitlement reasons.  Jane would vow to hide said purchases or get the red pen and re-mark the items even more discounted.  Vows to ignore Dick’s love for designing a patent whereby allowing him a passive/residual income to where they could retire early from corporate America.  Or the vow to become emotional after childbirth begging Dick to take on a second job so she can stay home or even purchase an even bigger house? Catch my drift?  When one is gazing into the eyes of the person they feel in their heart they can’t  live without,what happens?  We suddenly find ourselves passing as ships in the night and somehow that is acceptable.  Are the words, “For better or for worse?” self-fulfilling prophecies?

Subliminal messages are powerful.  The above scenario is the American way, not the American DREAM.  Our forefathers risked their lives to make America the land of the free.  They were entrepreneurs who forsook all and everything to make sure their families were taken care of.  What happened?

The revelation of subliminal wedding vows have influenced my decision to enter the dating scene again.  I have concluded that if those are the vows I am expected to repeat once the relationship gets serious enough for marriage….I DON”T!   I will remain single, get a dog or even better….a Betta fish!

The greatest thing on my side right now is that I have the honor and the privilege of mentoring with husbands and wives who are not OK with this either.  I regularly encounter marriages on the brink of divorce because of the subliminal vows above.  Once husbands/wifes are allowed to dream again, embrace the message of hope, begin to respect each other for who they originally fell in love with and looked into the eyes of on that glorious day, they are resolving to do what it  takes to stir up the passion lost. They have chosen delayed gratification to enable them to get out of debt. The develop long-term vision to plan their now bright future as two parent homes instead of two parent incomes. Most importantly, they are discovering the family unit again.  I virtually live through those encounters.

There is love, there is hope, there is a bright future ♥

If you are married, I challenge you to take some time this weekend to remember what you saw in your bride / groom.  What God has joined together, let no man put asunder-apart, divide, disjoint, or become independent.  No man, no debt ratio, no lack of vision, no “keeping up with the Jone’s, no death of dreams, no ‘American way”, let nothing divide.  If you decide, renew those vows without any destructive subliminal messages.  Reprogram your thinking to include the thoughts you once believed for and about each other.  There are countless other marriages waiting to hear your testimony of renewal.

If you are in the engagement phase, I challenge you to truly think about what you will be saying to each other on that day of commitment.  Perhaps you should counsel or discuss with a successful married couple who have overcome the devastating blows of what some label as normal.   There are also some amazing financial awareness programs available to educate yourselves on what not to vow to each other!

If you have chosen to live the single life, I completely understand.  If, however, you are still bitter because you didn’t survive the subliminal vows, I implore that you do not impose that onto others.  Instead please embrace your life now, search your soul for peace, determine & pursue your destiny as a single adult.

I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more.–Candace Bergen


Farmville, Avatar & Escape from Reality!


I have always been a dreamer.  When younger I could spend hours fantasizing.  I would walk through the woods most of the day just daydreaming!  In my mind were unlimited possibilities.  What I wanted to be when I grew up, trips I wanted to take, owning a lion-like the Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer one.  Most often it was of Donny Osmond!  Ok…so I just dated myself!  Why do you think I love purple?  Yes it was his fav color!   I grew up near a lake and during the summer I would walk  to it daily just to spend time on the “beach” or docks.  I loved to watch people and always imagined myself with the biggest boat, best truck, nicest car, etc.  I was raised on a small 9 acre farm and we were poor.  According to my other friends, we were wealthy!  We had indoor plumbing, always had plenty of food, wore the latest fashion clothing, etc.

Somehow I never accepted “city limit” mentality.  You see….the town where I attended school housed generations of people.  Some had never left the state of Louisiana.  My school buds grew up in the same home their parents, grandparents, etc.  Like I said….generations.

I knew at an early age status quo would never satisfy me.  Lately this has become a blinding reality to me.  I am dissatisfied with many things in life, even more now than ever.  I have gained an education on the economy, business, relationships, finances, leadership, health/wellness & definitely more about God.  By doing so, my hunger level has soared.  Funny…..I talk to people on a daily basis that does not share that same dissatisfaction.  I find it odd!  I hear what they say, but their actions do not correspond.  They are miserable, but vie for security by doing the same old thing, day in and day out.

I have noticed what they do to escape their bitter reality and it saddens me.  Being an avid social media participant I have become even more aware of where society is spending their time. Let’s explore!  If you are on Facebook, there are numerous sites that in my opinion create worthless addictions, stealing precious time from what people could potentially accomplish.

Let’s explore!  Farmville–purchase land, homes, animals, gain respect, become a high achievers by moving through the different levels, befriend other “Farmers”, buy, sell & trade.  Now you have to understand, I had someone explain this to me just last night and I literally cracked up!  Spend hours on Farmville?  Why?  Many people have husbands, wives, children, & friends that they could obviously be spending time with or around.  There are community projects they could enjoy together which strengthens relationships, encourages vision, & ministers to those less fortunate.  Instead…..they stare at a computer screen, searching for the right seed, fertilizer, breed of animal, and the likes.  This wears me out just thinking of doing this.

Then there’s Mafia Wars? Why?  Does this allow people to vent hostilities, or displaced anger?  I am clueless!  Don’t even get me started on “Reality” TV shows.  Whose reality are you living?

I won’t even get started on the ones that assist you in creating an alternate life.  Many marriages have ended because of sites like these because people are starving for affection, attention and acceptance.  This saddens me! People want community or as best described, common-unity.  We have to rally to the cause and create this for millions.

Regardless of what vice you choose to waste time on, it is entertaining and can divert your attention to what truly needs you…..Reality.  The definition I think describes the “why?” is: Diversion: an entertainment that provokes pleased interest and distracts you from worries and vexations. This is the truth today.  It’s distracting alright……from the very things that need your attention!  Why do people do this you ask?  People escape reality and become someone they are not.  Respected, wanted, needed, admired, loved, feared, worthy, valuable & successful in many areas. If everyone is “distracted” no one is communicating worth to one another.  Escaping from reality is reasonable to fill these voids.

Consider the recent movie, “Avatar.”  There are many lessons in this one movie.  I see greed, disrespect, genius research, love of nature & compassion for those around us, extreme courage, etc.  Just the cinematography is fabulous.  The part I will refer to is where Jake is sitting in front of the webcam in utter confusion. He is lost between two worlds.  What is reality now?  Is it where he is the paraplegic, twin brother reject marine? Or…..a tall, skilled, exceptionally “chosen”  warrior? Jake made his choice in the end.  He chose the reality he wanted. You must remember… is a movie, not real life. Choices we make today could produce a ripple effect for generations to come!

Back to reality here now!  You are miserable or at least that’s what you voice daily!   Research has shown that >80% of people polled would rather have their own business and >67% of people say they would quit work TODAY!  You are stuck in a mundane rut–defined as a grave with two open ends.  Instead of taking action & accomplishing something you only dream of doing, you shrink back in front of a computer screen & escape to your villa, raise your herds, or fight your neighbor.  Why?  Why? Why?  If you converted just the time spent on these worthless addictions, you would soon become the hero to your family.  Your husband would want to spend time with you.  Your wife would treat you like a king!  Your kids would gladly regard you as the greatest parent any day.  What are we talking about 2-3 hrs. per day?  Is real-time, real life not worth making a slight edge adjustment? Walk away from the monitor!

A couple of years ago, Orrin Woodward came to Dallas.  Not only were we blessed by his visit, but he brought another business man with him to speak to us for a few minutes.  Bill Walsh took the stage.  He told us he would reveal the secret of how to become a millionaire.  Now you can imagine we were on the edge of our seats, pen in hand ready to write word for word what he said.  What was his secret?  TURN OFF THE T.V.  Take a year off from T.V. and see what you would accomplish.  I have heard Zig Ziglar say the exact same thing.  Imagine that?  Most of the men & women I choose to take advice from all say the same thing.  Do you know when I have taken advice from someone who rakes in “coins” on Farmville?  That answer should be a no brainer!

Our society is decaying in every corner of the word.  People are escaping reality by living like someone else.  Instead of changing things that rob their life, they escape their “vexation” being distracted by mindless media entertainment programming them to get more in debt, have elusive affairs, remain mediocre b/c “everyone” is doing it.  I believe it is time for a culture to rise up and take control of what is real, their lives.

If you don’t have a mentor who can instruct you in ways of truth, please get one–one that has fruit on the tree and is living the life you dream of living.   Take a serious look at your life and evaluate what is real to you.  Is looking in your children’s eyes more than 9 seconds a day not worth it?  Is having your spouse tell you how thankful to God they are for having you not worth it?  Is hearing your community leaders speak of you with praise and admiration not worth it?  If it is, I challenge you to create the life of your dreams.  Create a real life that can be seen by those not sitting in front of a mind-numbing screen.  By doing so, you will also give others hope that they too can escape the world  of  fantasy and begin living the life of their dreams. Never before has it been a better time to act courageously and dream the impossible dream.  This is the age of the entrepreneur where dreams are made into realities.  There are no ceilings and no floors to how far you can succeed.  There were more millionaires that came out of the great depression than went in.  I could almost bet, if I were a betting woman, that they didn’t spend hours in front of the T.V.

From the words of a great man of wisdom: “Regardless of your lot in life, you can build something beautiful on it “~ Zig Ziglar –your real lot in life, not Farmville!

You can do it! I believe in you! The impossible dream is just the right size!


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